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The Sir and Sport 7: Guys at Super Bowl Party

Can you smell the beer and nachos in the air? Tis the season. Football Christmas is almost here – Super Bowl. The pigskin brings more people together than turkey and stuffing, but is generally more pleasant because your uncle isn’t there to argue politics with you. With that in mind, we bring you The Sir and Sport 7: Guys at Super Bowl Party.

1. Guy with wife on his hip

This guy always takes two of the most valuable spots on the sofa so he can be next to his wife. She most likely didn’t want to come but he either a) needed a designated driver or b) has a never-ending feeling of guilt when he leaves her out of his activities. This guy then proceeds to explain every single play during the game and shushes everyone when the commercials are on because that’s what she really cares about.

2. Guy too concerned with food

This guy either made the drum of chili or brought the dip and won’t rest until the entire population of the party has tasted or complimented him on the food. He’ll even go so far as to hold a spoon or chip in your face saying, “You have to taste this.” I’d love to taste it, but you don’t need to treat me like my mom with a spoonful of Gerber smashed peas.

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3. Guy with a large bet on the game

This guy sits on the edge and never interacts with guests at the party. You always know his bet after the first score of the game when he shoots a death glare at the people cheering, or he reacts with a silent fist pump. At the end of the game he will react in two ways – if he loses, he quickly bolts out the front door, or he wears a sense of relief like an oversized coat. Does he really enjoy the game? No, he does not. Speaking of betting…

4. Guy who won’t stop talking about the squares

Everyone loves the squares game. You don’t have to know lines or pull for a certain team to win. All you need are the random numbers. There’s always the guy that has to announce where everyone stands on the sheet with the current score. Never mind that we’re just five minutes into the game and only a field goal has been scored, he has to let Janet know that if the first quarter and game ended now, she would take home the pot.

5. Guy who talks about his fantasy season

Look, we get it, you lost your fantasy season by .0001 points because in week 16 Jameis Winston took a knee at the end of the game and lost a yard in the stat sheet. We don’t care about your fantasy team during the season and we certainly don’t care about it one month after the fact. Your fantasy football team should be like ‘Fight Club’ – rule #1, don’t talk about your fantasy team.

6. Guy who has had too much to drink

Admit it, you’ve been that guy. We all have. The host makes the mistake of putting a TV outside next to the pony keg and you spend the entire day with the tap in your hand slurring about how you won the halftime square and are about to win the final score square. Or was that just me? Thank you, Ravens!

7. Guy who tries to prove he’s always been a fan

This is the guy who shows up in a jersey for one of the teams in the game. He wants you to know he has been on board since the beginning and is no bandwagon fan. Unfortunately, we all see the fold creases since he just unpacked it after it arrived from NFLShop.com the day before.  Overnight shipping does not make you a true fan.

These are the people to expect when you attend a Super Bowl party. Which one will be you?