The Sir and Sport 7: Best Living Mustached Men
January 29 marks the birthday of the great Tom Selleck. Any man who grew up in the 80s longed for the job, Ferrari and women that Thomas Magnum had in Magnum P.I. I wanted the ‘stache. When you’re 14 years old, the wispy mustache above your lip showed just enough that you could see it there but not enough to prove that you were a man. One of my favorite episodes of The Cosby Show was when Theo and Cockroach used eyeliner to accentuate their whiskers. I was inspired and went for my mother’s makeup drawer only to end up looking like a chunky pubescent John Waters (“not that’s there’s anything wrong with that”).
As a man, I’ve grown my “Movember” mustache only to be mocked by my wife, told to register what neighborhood I live in, and climb back into my paneled van. I guess it takes a certain man to pull off the mustache and I’m not that man. Not the first time I’ve heard that. So, here are The Sir and Sport 7: Best Living Mustached Men.
1. Tom Selleck
The G.O.A.T. Do you remember seeing him without the mustache? It was unsettling. It was even pointed out on an episode of Friends when Monica said, “Your lip went bald”. Please, Tom don’t do that again.
2. Sam Elliott
If there was ever a challenger for Selleck’s throne, it’s Sam Elliott. I know the voice comes from deep inside his body, but I like to imagine his mustache is a filter for manliness. Sam at the bar, wearing a cowboy hat and smiling, in The Big Lebowski quintessential mustache cool.
3. Burt Reynolds
The Trans Am was the star of Smokey and the Bandit, but the real deal was Burt’s mustache. In the movie, Bandit says, “I take my hat off for one thing, and one thing only.” We know for sure that the same does not go for his upper lip or Loni Anderson would have made him shave it long ago.
4. Eddie Murphy
I know what you’re thinking, “Eddie Murphy?” Close your eyes and think back from Buckwheat to Dreamgirls. The mustache has been there the whole time, but we haven’t noticed it because of the smile and the laugh. It is there and it has had a better run than Eddie lately.
5. Rollie Fingers (MLB Hall of Famer)
Now, I personally don’t go for the curl at the end. It’s too “evil with a top hat, tie a damsel in distress to the train tracks” for my taste. That being said, it has become his trademark and identity so it deserves its due.
6. Nick Offerman
Nick Offerman is the man’s man of our times. He loves scotch and red meat, he is hilarious, and has a strong mustache. With his hands, the man shapes a lip coiffe to perfection and builds canoes and furniture by hand – https://offermanwoodshop.com/
7. Ned Flanders
The Simpsons have been on TV for 28 seasons and counting and Ned Flanders has been there the entire time with his “Cookie duster”. I know I said “greatest living,” but this is my list and I get to choose whomever I want, okilly-dokilly?
There you have it, the Sir and Sport 7: Best Living Mustached Men. Who would you nominate?